When I say I have had a weight issue for as long as I can remember, that is not an exaggeration. And I don’t mean with actual weight gain/loss just with how I see myself. I can remember standing in front of a mirror and obsessing over how “fat” my stomach was when I was maybe ten! That is not healthy!
I can’t say how or when this obsession started, but it is something that has stuck with me, even now. My closest friends were annoyed, my family was annoyed, and now my husband is constantly annoyed. And now that I have two very impressionable young girls, the weight obsession has to stop now!
I’m not fat, I’m not chubby, I’m not even pudgy! I am a pretty average (actually pretty in shape) person. When I was the most obsessed with my weight I only weighed 100 lbs!
In reality, I’ve been pretty skinny most of my life, but for some reason I just could never see that. I’m pretty open with anybody that asks and so yes when I was younger I definitely tried certain unhealthy ways to lose weight, but it never lasted long, because I knew it was wrong and I was not happy with myself afterwards. For the most part my obsession has been more of just a mental thing and wishing I was skinnier.
I don’t want Emery or Elliot to think they are anything less than beautiful and that starts with how I see myself. I need to be as positive around them as I possibly can. No more looking in the mirror when I’m getting dressed and saying I have love handles, back fat, or flabby arms. Not that I need to say how perfect I am, but I need to be realistic. If I feel I’m gaining weight then I need to show them how important it is to eat healthy food and workout, but in subtle ways.
Just like saying you’re fat in front of your children over and over again is bad so can over obsessing about working out or not eating certain foods. We have to make sure we’re careful with our words and actions with them. So many things we do as parents around young children will stay with them forever and I want to make sure I leave as many good thoughts as I possibly can with them.
I know this is going to be hard for me, this obsession has been with me for probably over twenty years, but every parent wants to be better for their children, and I’m no different.
Pray for me and good luck to you if you’re going through certain struggles as a parent. Just take it one day at a time.