Last Monday was a day I had been looking forward to for a long time. I was finally going to get back into the swing of working out. My work out choice for the past few years has been hot yoga. If you haven’t tried it, it’s pretty amazing what it can do to your body. After having two kids I was ready!
I signed up for a two week, two hours, everyday hot yoga boot camp. I was excited to jump start my body again and honestly, to get some “me” time in. While it’s been amazing and I have seen some results, what it really made me realize was that I REALLY missed my evenings with my babies.
Being a full-time working mom and then coming home to take care of two babies is tiring. I thought a little bit of yoga would help to relax me, but every night for two weeks, is not what I thought it would be.
I realized I don’t need a long period of me time, having just a little me time is better than having no time with my kids. They only get to be little once so why would I want to miss any of it? Of course, I need to relax somedays, but I’m going to stick to maybe one workout a week at the studio and the rest of the time I can workout at home or go for a walk with the kids. I’ll always be happy to splurge with my friends one night for drinks or to go to dinner with my husband, but the majority of the time, while my kids are little, I want to be right there.
Being a parent is hard, especially to young children, but right now, in this moment, mommy is who they need.
I’m the one they want when they cry in the middle of the night.
I’m the the one they want when they get hurt.
I’m the one they want to kiss their boo boos.
I’m the one they want to blow on their food to cool it off.
I’m the one they want to cuddle up next to while they watch a movie.
I’m the one they want to read a bedtime book to them.
I’m the one they want to bathe them.
I’m the one they want to sleep on.
I’m the one whose hand they want to hold.
Me, me, me!
I sometimes think how exhausted I am and I just want to go to bed after a long day, but I can’t because I have kids to take care of, but one day, before I know it, I won’t. They will be in high school and too cool for me, then college and they’ll be too busy finding themselves, and then adulthood, raising their own families. I won’t be the rockstar in their life anymore, I’ll be their mom, but not their mommy.
I will have years to do daily workouts, or drinks, or dinner with friends or even myself, but I’ll never get this season of life back. A baby snoring on my chest smelling like Johnson&Johnson. A toddler dripping her milk and smearing it on the couch. A toothless grin from a baby who is ecstatic because all I did was walk into the room. An evening spent teaching a two-year-old to skip around the couch. To them, I am everything, nothing else in this world keeps them safer or happier than me.
So even though I feel like I am loosing my mind and barely functioning at times, I will savor these 4:30am feedings, the times when my toddler refuses to eat or obey, when the baby is in the backseat screaming, when we can’t go out to eat because two kids is just to hard to handle in public these days, or I am asked “what happened?” a million times.
For now, I am their everything, so I can wait, because in the blink of an eye it will all change. I will miss those sweet baby hugs, those inquisitive eyes, and being the one who kisses their tears away. So for now I am busy being mommy and loving every moment of it.